The Grooming of Negative Thinking
We all have occasions of negative thinking. The abuse victim struggles with a deeper sense of humiliation, feeling like a failure, disliking oneself, shame and guilt. It creates confusion because the victim typically blames themselves for the damage inflicted. The real issue lays in the grooming of the victim, along with the mental and emotional degradation that happens during all abuse.
“Grooming is a manipulative process used by a sexual or abuse predator for the purpose of creating a sense of trust with a targeted person prior to the act of actual victimization.” according to Sharie Stines, Psy.D, The Recovery Expert
Anyone can be groomed. It doesn’t matter age, sexual orientation, income, location or any other demographic. Common grooming tactics used by predators, prior to actual abuse of victims include:
- Pretending to be someone/something they aren’t. They pretend to be someone trustworthy, so you drop your guard. This is accomplished in many different ways.
- They present themselves as the perfect person for you. This tactic is only superficial and never meaningful.
- They seem emphatic — They will mirror you and showing an ability to connect with you, therefore you have your needs and experiences felt. If the predator is a an adult and the victim is a child, the abuser will become childlike and at the same level as the child. They will use compliments and lavish attention as well.
- Groomers act sincere and truthful with a calming presence. They don’t seem clouded, mean or like they carry some deep, hidden secret. Victims often do not suspect malicious intent, only that they are comforting to be with.
- The abuser will pretend to care and often act as a guardian and protector. Exhibiting anger and rage for wrong doings against you, will promising to play the white knight. All the while plotting to do the same evil to you.
The victim is groomed to believe that the abuser is the perfect person. They have a baseline of who they feel that person is. When abuses start to occur, the victim will begin explaining abusive behaviors away. As the level of abuse continues, the victim will become emotional withdrawn and feel numb. This is an instinctual protective behavior because numbness protects…