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I’m a recovering abuse victim and life survivor, sharing my story to help others.

Reader, Writer, Marketer, Information Geek, Photographer, Mentor, and Farmer

Photo of Author, Doreen Barker

My Grandfather was the best story teller in my life. His vivid recounts of his time served in the Army during World War II, travelling the world, created a love of story telling. The way he could paint a visual picture with words inspired me to become a writer.

I remember being assigned my senior thesis and choosing a topic I knew he could give me personal feedback on. I picked the Pygmy Tribe of Africa. I researched and listened to his recalls of what they were like in person, something…


How can rejection trigger mental health issues, and how can we handle them?

Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash

I’ve very recently discovered how detrimental rejection is for me. I’m not talking about rejection from a job but within personal and intimate relationships. It’s one of the biggest triggers for me. Unfortunately, it’s also the button that causes all of the terrifying issues of Complex-PTSD to come flooding back. It’s a catalyst to the warzone within myself.

I haven’t been involved in many intimate relationships for nearly a decade. I haven’t trusted myself or a partner enough to let anyone in that close. Until recently, anyway. Then it happened. Timelines didn’t mesh, and I got ignored. I was rejected…


Is it truly possible to get an addiction to thinking negative thought patterns?

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

When you talk to your BFF or your spouse, do you talk about the happiness and joys or do you vent?

I’ve done it myself. You fall into the spiral where this is wrong or that’s upsetting. Next thing you know you are on a bitch fest that lasts a week and every topic that makes you emotional in a negative way takes over your head, mouth and attitude.

I’ve been talking lately about just how bad that’s gotten with a lot of people I talk to. …


After battling many issues alone, you may feel abandoned and just temporary for others

Photo by Jamison Riley on Unsplash

There’s been a repeating, common thread in my life. Being abandoned. Some of it is my own fault, others are not. So let’s dig a little deeper into exactly what abandonment is, what the issues are, and why it’s important to repair our responses to those feelings.

What are abandonment issues?

Abandonment issues often stem from a traumatic childhood loss. Sometimes, but rarely, it develops in adulthood. The fear of being abandoned isn’t a singular mental health condition, like depression. It’s a form of anxiety, extending to a phobia in some instances.

Abandonment issues may cause issues within relationships because…


Losing someone to addiction has struck me again in my life.

Photo by Matthew T Rader on Unsplash

Dear Addiction,

YOU SUCK.

I could stop it there and put my signature, but I won’t. I have a few things to say to you. You are a murderous leech that prays on people in their weakest moments. You are Satan in the form of pills, needles, and bottles. You, my dear, are an asshole. You steal the souls of the living and cause pain to those they love. You are ruthless and unyielding. You need to be put out of your own misery. You shouldn’t ever be allowed to roam free to damage so many.

I’m so angry with…


A book based on decades of research, by Harry R. Moody, Ph. D., focusing on spiritual development as we age, searching for the meaning of life and self-discovery.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Walt Whitman

It seems like long ago that those words were part of the pathway of life. At graduation, the world was right at my fingertips. Like clay, waiting to be molded and shaped into the life I had dreamed of having. For many years, I fought…


What I’ve witnessed with a mental illness in my relationships

Photo by Gabrielle Meschini on Unsplash

In nearly every relationship I’ve ever been in — platonic or romantic — I’ve watched again and again how others have no idea how to handle episodes that involve my mental health. It has been extremely discouraging, if I’m being honest.

Many times, it has left me feeling flawed and unlovable. Damaged so badly by trauma that my issues are too deep for anyone to accept and still love me, anyway. That abandonment has left me scarred and a little bitter. Why can’t I just find someone that I resonate with as myself? …


We all fear getting a call that something has happened to them, at any age.

Photo by Clark Van Der Beken on Unsplash

Trigger Warning: Automobile Accident

“Ma’am, this is Randy from Bangs Ambulance. I have your son here with me. We are transporting him to the trauma center.”

My heart stopped. My brain stuttered. My whole being broke.

I knew it was bad if they were transporting him to a trauma center over an hour away. I was told they were only allowing one visitor, that they were 10–15 minutes away from the hospital and that my son was involved in a bad head-on collision. It’s 8:30 pm.

I made the hardest trip of my life to the hospital. Alone. Terrified of what I would find…


I am more than just the tragedies I have faced in this life

Author, Doreen Barker and her rescue horse, Velvet Photo provided by Doreen Barker

A friend recently said to me that I seem to have some form of drama in my life about every six months. It’s not because I’m causing it, it just seems to find me. The most recent was my son being involved, through no fault of his own, a head on collision that nearly took his life when another driver crossed into oncoming traffic.

But this drama, oh this life long cycle of drama. All of my life, I always felt like I was somehow cursed. I’ve…


LIFE LESSONS

Oh, I f*cked up. Too many times to count.

Messed up Polaroid
Messed up Polaroid
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I have too many stories from my life on how I f*cked up. It all started when I was young. My legs were too long and I danced around like a newborn colt on wobbly legs, falling often. Eventually, it got better. Not because my body balanced out (I have a 32–1/2" inseam and stand 5'8" tall, I’m mostly legs), but because I learned to adapt.

I still trip over myself or faceplant from time to time. I’ve learned to perfect the art of the tuck and roll. After being diagnosed with MS and losing some feeling in my legs…

Doreen Barker

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